| It's currently 1742 at home ... it's 0342 here ... we transitioned Daylight Savings Time kinda early. [You and Me - Lifehouse] The military can do that since it's its own institution, *buwhahaah!*
Yea ... should be sleeping, but would YOU be sleeping if you was finally goin' home after "siete na buwan"? ^_^
[Yellowcard - My Only One] Hehe, I remember how I used to want to play the violin so I could be one of those rare, envied genius kids. There was this one girl one the other side of my street who used to play in the afternoon after school, and I'd leave my window open just to hear the sound of it, even if it was out of tune and she was still in the practicing stage. [Makes Me Whole - Amel Larrieux]
*sigh* Another war-torn deployment done, soon anyway. We were packin' up today and in the middle of it all, just lounging around the shop. It's a great feeling not to have someone ordering you around for awhile. Later in the day, the Hawaiian was playing his out-of-tune guitar, Jimbo was smoking and reading Maxims, Gonzo and Rammo were playin' Pocket Tanks Deluxe and tryin' to hump each other silly (you get horny after 7 months of nothing). [Remember to Breathe - DBC] I was sittin off to the side, readin' old letters and motomails, tryin' to catch up with home in a few days. After an hour or so of making sure the shop hasn't moved, we get up and decide to continue packing what little we have left before we realize that we have an entire day of packing still left tomorrow, hehe! What motivation we did contrive turned into everyone but the guard heading to the clamshell to make sure we still have all our stuff. While we were there, they were havin' a BBQ to celebrate, mainly stolen steaks from the chow hall. To cut a boring story short, for some reason, only the steak I ate was tainted, so I had several audiences with King John before and after dinner. *gRrRr*!
I can't wait to be back home where I don't have to walk half a mile before pooping!
And now, as the sleepiness and dreams give way to the reality about me, I remember what it was like last time. [Letters to You - Finch] The mortars and rockets always sound louder and more frequent toward the end. My ears are sensitive toward every high pitched or unknown sound about me, and I tell myself to calm down and remember the training. "Combat Stress" is what the psychologists identify it as; symptoms are determined to be fatigue, anxiety, a desire to cuss more often, irritability at strange times of the day, depression and a feeling of hopelessness. As I write this I know civilians reading it will never understand the summary of a 7-month deployment. A psychologist's job is to identify and treat mental illnesses as they develop. A psychiatrist's job is to prescribe the medication should they find agreement with the psychologist's diagnosis. Haha, I can say that 'cuz I've been to both, trying to treat my so-called combat stress. Psychologists have it hard, 'cuz unless a patient works with them, they can't make an accurate diagnosis. The psychiatrist I didn't like so much, 'cuz all he was tryin to find out was if I was trying to get out of being deployed. I've seen my ups and downs with depression, as a few really close ones know, but it's human to feel that way I guess.
Although this war resembles the results of Vietnam in a way, the military's trying to get better. We recently had a Warrior Transition Brief to orient us toward the feelings we might experience and the situations that we'll encounter when we return. This one being the second one I've gotten, I really just filtered a lot of the information out and derived my own interpretation. =P
What they were basically trying to tell us is that our time here, no matter how difficult it may have been will NEVER be understood by those at home. The majority of US citizens plans to stay civilians their entire lives. The homeless, the unemployed, the teenagers and selfish senior citizens, and a lot of those who don't pay attention to the outside world could care less about someone's war in someone else's country. However ...
There are some who try to understand as well. Personally, I'm thankful that they're around, sending care packages and letters and showing appreciation to people they don't know and some that they do.
*bleh* It's kind of a hopeless interpretation, but it took two deployments to get to it. The contract I signed over four years ago never implied the longer working hours, sleepless nights, or underpaid conditions. The recruiter never said anything about these things either, most likely because I never asked. It's a hopeless interpretation because it's the truth. I hold no grudges against my recruiter, but I do have angst with the military recruiting system. *sigh* Unfortunately I'll stop here because the futility of going any further looms upon me.
This is a society based on deception. And most times, I'm really ashamed to be a part of it.
But why should I care?
I'm coming home ...  !
Have you ever wanted a chance to change the world, for better ... for worse ... ?
Well, bud ... this life you have right now ... this is your chance.
There are no innocents. Through action and inaction, someone can change the world.
"Wake me up when September Ends" ... Heya silly, Wake up, September ended yesterday! ^_^ [More than Words] |
